Last thursday, a week ago, I had no idea what was about to happen.

The week before I had been on a business trip to San Jose, San Francisco and Las Vegas. I had returned with some confusion and internal struggle between my purpose (Love, Joy, Connection) and my path to get to living a life purely from that place (being a crazy-cool disruptive uber-geek, juggling his time between multiple engineering contracts and kick-ass coaching. Hmm. I notice my language has changed around this in the last week – this actually sounds like it could be kind of fun).

A week ago it was a huge struggle. Trust me on that.

I met with a potential client last thursday and we got talking about a bunch of things; it was not a coaching conversation – more an opportunity to just get vulnerable and share what was going on for each of us in our lives.

And a seed got planted. A Men’s retreat weekend, run by an organization I had heard of, coming to a campground near me starting friday night.

I could not possibly go. That would be nuts.

Crazy. I have serious stuff to do here.

Hmmm. Except I had told myself that this weekend would be a retreat. I could do that with support.

It is $700 that I do not have right now.

Nah. No. Crazy idea.

Except its not. And you know it. All that you are listening to is your resistance – because when you let go the right thing at the right time shows up. You know it – it happens to you all the time when you let it. So – are you ready?

Really?

I called the organizer at 3pm on friday, got supported by a friend to demolish the last of my excuses, had committed by 4pm and was there by 5:30pm.

And holy mo**********g crap. I mean – well, I cannot put it into words. The world has transformed. And here is what I got.

I realized how much of my life I have mistrusted other Men. I have postured around them – taken a position – worn a mask of so many different kinds. But TRUST other men. Really? Seriously?

I went through my coaching and leadership training work largely surrounded by feminine energy – which was great – and did nothing to address my relationship with the masculine and with my own masculine power. It did not model that in a way that was meaningful to me.

This last weekend did.

I stepped through disappointment and distrust, my devastation at the lack of meaningful deep connection with Men – my lack of meaningful deep connection with my masculine. I thought I was connected before I stepped into this; then I saw my holes, the shadow that I had painted over in the effort to hide it from view. There was nowhere left for that shadow masculine to hide. It was time to bring it firmly into the light. To deal with it. Challenge it. Transform it.

And what I have now; the gift of what I have now. Simply put – wow! Not only has the mask gone, the need for the mask has gone. Replaced with connection and joy and wonder. The biggest gift is JOY! – I got my Mojo…

This might sound weird. I have envied Women the rite of passage that is childbirth. For a man – as a father – I have held my newborns in the moments that they entered the world. The physical intensity of pregnancy, labor and giving birth are, as I see it (Women – please advise and correct me) a profound rite of passage. I have witnessed the intensity of the transition into motherhood. Part of me was scared by it. Part of me envied it.

In our culture – we have lost that rite of passage – that initiation for men. The idea of an initiation; leaving the immature masked masculine behind and birthing into the authentic sacred masculine – something our ancestors, first nations, aboriginals the world over know and understand – is not present in our culture. And, I contend, as a result there is this messy, bumbling and dangerous shadow masculine that is running the show. Patriachy, the culture of force, subjugation of women, minorities, the earth – it is rampant and over the last year it has come painfully to the fore. Ignorant. Self-serving. Blind.

This last weekend for me was a rite of passage, an initiation; leaving the shadow behind and entering into a space of the company of Men – of the sacred masculine. There is work to do – and will be for a long time I am sure – however the key shift has occurred. I am present to the rock-solid, unshakeable, fire-wise compassion of the masculine in a way I have never experienced before. From here there is a renewed appreciation of the feminine; within and without. There is the ground for something really new to unfold.

It has stepped out of the shadows.

I have a feeling this is going to change everything.

I have no idea where this is going.

Watch this space.