Vertigo.

How it shows up for me is second guessing. I take a risk in relationship and spend my time wondering where the other side is at. My strategizer goes into overdrive.

At least – that is what it has done in the past. Now – with inspiration from Dr. Seuss – My ‘figure-it-out-er’ is broke. Something happened back there in the last few months. I remember a core piece of it came in a conversation with my Coach.

The conversation started as many in the past had – working through and chewing over what was up for me in the moment – with the things I was moving forward. My heart was sore and wanted air-time. And again I saw it. The same old shitty story playing out in yet another place. This time I had had enough. I saw it. I was tired of beating the shit out of pillows and punchbags and sore eyes from crying it out again.

Don: “I declare I am DONE with this.”

Coach: “I hear you. Anything else?”

Don: “Nope – that is it. I see this playing out again and again and I am done. No more. Done.”

Coach: “Beautiful. Congratulations!  Now what?”

Well, “Now what?” has been an interesting place. In many areas of my life especially when they got close to my inner, vulnerable, young part of my psyche I was still defending, holding back, trying to manage, trying to stay safe. Which is of course all of those places in my life I have been looking to grow and live from – as Coach especially. In those simple words – that declaration I gave up playing for ‘safe’. In doing so, I gave up the war. I took the brakes off. I stopped saying ‘No’. Things speeded way the hell up.

And everything has shifted. I shit you not. The motorbike is just one symptom (put over 2,000km on it since July 23rd). There are more breaking out all over the place. This life thing is like a well fed, watered, nutrient-rich and sun-drenched garden. Things are moving…

This last weekend bought a lot of threads together. One of them is for another post, sometime, maybe. Right now it is very close, vulnerable, precious, beautiful, just beginning and evolving without expectations. Let’s see. As to the other – well…

Two years ago whilst I was involved with leadership in a (the) Coach Training Program, a leader, friend, mentor and amazing coach challenged me. You know who you are 😉 I had not seen him for six months. He threw at me; “Not much seems to have changed over there.”. This man had seen me through the angst of my separation and divorce, my growth as a new coach. My struggles working through challenges on many fronts. Him saying that really pissed me off. It pissed me off because he was right. I had moved through a lot, and I had hit a plateau. I had not created the momentum and results I wanted. Yet. I was working way too hard. Fighting myself. It was hurting.

I made a declaration when I hugged him goodbye at the end of that weekend. “The next time you see me – things will have changed.”

I saw him this last weekend. And; life is unrecognizable. Externally the circumstances of life are just in the start of the shift. Internally – everything has moved. The external world cannot help but follow.

When the war stops and forgiveness and completion comes – what follows; peace. The ground for internal prosperity. And a place to act from where nothing has ever been wrong. Significance falls away. And from that lightness; well, the next set of games have just begun!

The beautiful truth is that I did not do this alone. My coach. My coaching buddies. Many close friends who have been with me aware and unaware of the part they played in moving me through the internal drama and out the other side. There is more to be unplugged I know – I am not enlightened (yet). However I have the key breakthrough I have been looking for for possibly my whole life.

Now I get to pass it on. I am not the only one who gets to have this. That is the really cool part and the absolute joy of being Coach…

Look out world.