In my teenage angst I discovered the music of Joy Division and the Lyrical genius of Ian Curtis. I could go on at great length about the music, how it inspired me and how 30-and-a-bit years later I feel completely vindicated that I stuck to my love of this music in the face of disdain from those around me at the time.

I had serious taste. Still do 😉

[Aside: My all time favourite song is probably Ceremony – written by Joy Division and recorded by New Order after Ian committed suicide. It is also a love song. Procession runs a close second.]

One of the most poignant songs written by Joy Division was, in my opinion, ‘Love will tear us apart’. If you watch the drama/documentary ‘Closer’ by the brilliant Anton Corbjin, the story behind the song is laid bare. Married with a child and falling in Love with another woman, battling with a debilitating epilepsy and a musical career that was becoming like a tiger they could all barely hold onto the tail of. I believe Ian’s lyrics laid bare his soul – channeling something even deeper than his immediate circumstances.

One one level – it is a song about the angst of his situation; trying to resolve his feelings and make his life work in the face of pressures from his relationships, the sudden success of his band, his illness. On another level I think he accessed a profound truism about Love.

Love WILL tear us apart.

Love is the absence of division between you and another; the recognition of your unity and oneness. To reach this realization something has to die. The illusion of a separate self. In my view, the degree to which we can let Love in is exactly the degree to which we can let go of the illusion of separateness – let go of the ego which has taken on the role of keeping us safe from the world out there. A world which, we concluded at some point in our lives, was dangerous.

Letting down this guard is taking the power back from our ego in service of something bigger; the experience of the giving, receiving and being of Love. The ego is not going to let go without a fight. It will pull every trick in the book to try and maintain the illusion of safety. All the old patterns and behaviours. All the thoughts. All the feelings – or absence and disconnection from them. It will pull every trick ever tried. The works.

It takes courage to unplug from this, walk through the fire of our distrust, despair, grief and trust in something bigger. It is the work and adventure of a lifetime.

Love will tear us apart. That is the whole point. That is the promise. It will create a tear big enough to let the light in. To let Love itself in. To transform everything.

If there are echoes of the past in how it went this time; perhaps that is the familiar dance of self-protection at work. Love is here to break that open. Love is here to end it. Love is here to tear it apart so wide it can never be put back together the same way. To break it. There is a deeper voice, a larger game, a bigger commitment than fear. Trust it.

I am also talking to myself here – just to be clear.